why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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