Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
