if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
