another moral hangover. fuck.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
