You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
