I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
