I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Mom said you looked used
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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