ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I had to cum in my sink.
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