Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
