3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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