I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
