the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
