I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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