you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
