so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
