home. puking in laundry basket.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
