her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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