Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
