I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Drunk is a universal language darling
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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