I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
