hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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