Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
