man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
As shirtless as possible
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
