he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
