my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
