Yo dont text me then not text me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
