Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
