so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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