He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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