i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
