Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
