Someone shit on the floor
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
