i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
