Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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