Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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