The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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