think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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