my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
