Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
