Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize