If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
