Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
