i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
