It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize
