I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
