if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize