hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
