i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
