Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
