hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
