I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
