Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The air was thick with penises
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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