Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
