I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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