You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Pooping to opera.
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