I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
