I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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