Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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