shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
