My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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