Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Someone came in the potted fern
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
