This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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