So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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