How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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