I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
