If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
