You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
