I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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